I have finally come to terms with the fact that I won’t be the future Mrs. Prince Harry and I have decided to embrace Meghan Markle and pass on my wisdom as a fellow expat and a wife of a Brit.
My name is Ashley, and you and I have a lot in common. We are both young, beautiful and Americans. We were both seduced by an accent and plucked from our homes and transported to the UK. You were a successful Hollywood actress and I was in a local production of “A Christmas Carol” in Gainesville, Florida. So given that we have all these close ties, here are some helpful pieces of advice on moving to the UK and embracing your new home.
- Be aware that people will attempt an American accent around you and it will either come out with a southern drawl or with a Valley Girl intonation. Make sure to mock people relentlessly for this.
- You will fight with someone at least once a week about the difference between a biscuit and a cookie.
- If you order pancakes, you will get crepes. Bacon is not the same, and they consider baked beans a breakfast food. Consider yourself warned.
- Make sure to visit Scotland. It’s really pretty and everyone is very friendly. You won’t be able to understand anyone, but just smile and nod and you will be fine.
- Being an alcoholic is not frowned upon over here, just saying.
- There is apparently a shortage of ice in the UK, so you will have to ask for it. And no free refills. As a Duchess you may find a way around this.
- You can’t dry your hair in the bathroom because there are no sockets. This is life changing!
- You‘d better add “xx” to the end of your texts and emails to people you like or they will think you are dead inside.
- Americans changed the English language and the Brits are still pissed about it. Also pissed over here means drunk and that it’s raining outside. It can be confusing.
- Find one American friend. It will help, promise. Preferably make that friend me.
If you need any other expat advice or help understanding your new family tree, don’t hesitate to ask me. I have a wealth of knowledge/obsession with the royal family and I have watched both seasons of The Crown, so I’m basically an expert.
Also if you need an American/Brit couple to hang out with, my husband and I are available. We are really sophisticated so I’m sure we would get on really well with you and Harry.
See you in May, we are excellent wedding guests!
Scott and I love playing board games, because we are already an old married couple. He gifted me monopoly for Christmas and it was the British version. Didn’t even know that existed!
WTF! Where are Boardwalk and Park Place?
Don’t worry I haven’t let this obstacle hinder my ability to beat the crap out of my husband though. Over and over.